poet on tilt

Year in Review - Poker

2011-11-22T12:22:00.001-06:00

Hello, my name is Jon Lee Hart and I am a podcaster, a published poet, and a poker player. I have neglected this blog...and that neglect will be rectified RIGHT NOW!!!

So yes, POKER POKER POKER!!! Here is my poker schedule :

This coming Saturday I will play in a charity tournament which benefits the AIDS Interfaith network.

Saturday, December 3rd I will play in Havok/The Fourth Ace Poker Clubs tournament of Champions. Over 2 grand is up for grabs! Check out the year end standing :

I had a wonderful tournament year and hope to have a repeat in 2012.

December 10th I will play in another tournament and am still planning on taking my chances at the casino. I mean, if Tim can do so well then I should be able to dominate. (I am kidding, Tim).

So, what else should you expect with Poet On Tilt? Perhaps some TV, Comic, and movie reviews. Maybe some behind the scenes Secretly Timid stories...I dunno. But hell, I am back. For real.

Been a While. How's the Skin?

2011-06-30T13:38:00.000-05:00

Some thoughts :

Check This Out :

Words with Friends and Hanging with Friends are helping to expand my vocabulary.

I am becoming more and more intolerant to intolerance.

The ads for Paris Hilton's reality show are embarrassingly funny.

Havok Monthly Tournament (January Edition) "Return of the Bubble Boy"

2011-01-17T10:36:00.000-06:00

This past Saturday was the first monthly tournament of 2011. All the old faces were there as were some new ones. I was exhausted and to be honest remember very little of the 6 hrs. of play. There were some changes from last years play, the most obvious of which was the exclusion of rebuys. I love this change. Yes, the tournament played a little slower, but I think the level of play was actually higher.

I feel I owe the player referred to as "Lower Case" a bit of an apology. I was a dick to him from the start of the tournament up until the moment I knocked his ass out of it. He was actually on his very best behavior. I don't know why I was this way. My excuse is a combination of Gregg's awesome margarita's and my lack of sleep. I don't think I was too mean spirited...it was mostly all jokes and songs...still though, I fill a wee bit bad.

I think I played a pretty solid game. I was incredibly patient and only played very strong hands. I was pretty short stacked until I doubled up from Maris via a rivered full house. Yada Yada Yada 4 hours later I was knocked out 4th thus reclaiming my status as the 4th Ace Poker Club/Havok bubble boy.

Felt the Professor!! No Limit Hold 'em/ Pot Limit Omaha (He Don't Lick My P***Y Edition)

2011-01-15T10:58:00.000-06:00

You know, I'm getting older. I thought my days of waking up thinking "Did that really happen last night?" was over. Well, last night happened.

I don't even know where to begin. Well, the beginning is a good place to start. So last night I attended a cash game in honor of the return of a player lovingly called "The Professor." Since he loves Omaha, the goal was to alternate rounds of Omaha and Texas Hold 'em.

Honestly, I play the cash game just to get out of the house and be with my poker friends. I don't have the disposable cash I used to...so any profit is awesome, but I don't play with what I don't have. So I buy in with only $100. After the first round of Omaha I lost about a fifth of my stack. It was time for Hold 'em. I was SB and looked down at pocket queens. There were some small raises...and Danny (who was under the gun, i think) raises to 15. I called, everyone else folded. Flop came, small cards...I bet 15, he raised (I think 30 on top...can't remember -it was early in the game.) I pretty much knew I was beat, but if I folded I would only have like 30 dollars left...and since the cards on the flop were so small it would have crushed me if I folded and he showed pocket 10's, so I shoved...he insta-called and showed Aces. Turn comes...a Queen. Oopsies.

I hate sucking out (hold your giggles.)

From this point on the whiskey runneth over. Something amazing happened. I don't know how it came up. The whiskey explosion is just twiddling my brain like a priest on Sunday. Everyone was feeling good and over-sharing...I can't remember if someone asked me or if I just blurted out that I had been intimate with a lady to which one player was somewhat shocked. He asked if that made me bisexual (no it doesn't). His girlfriend then blurted out "HE DOESN'T LICK MY PUSSY!!!"

My whiskey memory is unreliable, I know...but yes, this happened. After this bit of information the consensus of the table was that this had to be rectified. Some tips were given...some cheeks were blushed...Personally, I believe that oral sex is standard to any adult relationship. And this miss was obviously frustrated. If I had a vagina, I would be too. Let's all hope that that was the last time she had to say that.

All in all, it was a good night. I didn't play very well...but I had a lot of fun. Later today I am going to play in the monthly tournament. I am going to be completely sober and hopefully do well.

The Vagina Incident-2010

2010-12-29T22:55:00.000-06:00

My first interaction with a vagina occurred on March 27, 1981 around noon. This, of course, was when I was born into this beautiful world. Since then my interactions with the mystical V's have been infrequent...like leap years. This suits me just fine. I won't lie...I am curious about the vagina...but like chicken nuggets I could live a happy life without knowing the...how do you say it...the "ins and outs." There was this one time when a lady friend forgot she was not wearing any undergarments and decided to she me and others a tattoo which was on her hip. Then there was another time when another friend decided to fluff another lady friend's skirt...only to find that she too was boycotting panties...

Well, December 18th 2010 I interacted with a vagina at a most peculiar event...my graduation.

From the get go I was uncomfortable. I gained some L-B's this past semester so my formal wear fit a little snug and crowds always make me a little queasy. Still, I paid for the cap, gown and hood and I will only graduate once...

Graduation was pretty run-of-the-mill boring...still there was a little devil on my shoulder telling me that I was somehow going to fuck it all up...perhaps I would trip on the way up or down the stage...perhaps it was all a huge joke and my name really wasn't on the list to graduate. After about 45 minutes it was my row's turn to get up and get in line to walk the stage. We snaked through the photo line and out the other side. And that was when I saw it.

A woman who had already walked the stage (she was an undergrad) was sitting in the front row with her legs spread apart. I was caught in her majesty for half a second. After the mesmerism passed I turned to the girl standing in line behind me to tell her (of course). Before I knew it it was my turn to walk the stage...my nerves now gone thanks to her majesty.

Thank you, stranger's vagina, for making that memorable day truly memorable. I may not remember what the weather was like, or which shoes I wore...but I will always remember that when I was frazzled with nerves your light set me free.

It's in the Stars

2010-12-26T17:41:00.000-06:00

I hope everyone had a great Christmas. This Christmas was the best Christmas I have had in a good long while.

Just for fun this morning I decided to fill out a free birth chart. You can do so too by clicking here. Overall the chart is rather accurate. I copied my results below. Note: My chart tells me to avoid gambling. WHOOPSIES. However, I don't really consider poker "gambling." Ah well, fill out the info and get your own chart. Please, let me know if your chart is accurate too.

Peace,

Jon Lee Hart Sex M
Valdosta, GA 13 United States 03/27/1981 12:00 - Julian day 2444691.21
Adjust 5.00 ST 23.47 Lat 30.50 Long 83.16

Planet Positions, Ascendant, & Houses

The following table shows the position of the planets in your chart, by sign and degree. On the right, you will find the sign of your Ascendant and the signs on the cusp of each house in your natal chart. The Roman Numerals refer to the houses, where the Ascendant is also the first house and the Midheaven is also the tenth house. For example, if the sign Taurus is next to Mars, you know your Mars is in Taurus. If the sign Libra is next to Venus, you know your Venus is in Libra. If Cancer is next to Ascendant, you have a Cancer Ascendant, and if Leo is next to II, Leo is on your 2nd house.

Zodiac in degrees 0.00
Sun	Aries	6.57
Moon	Sagittarius	24.30
Mercury	Pisces	11.57
Venus	Aries	4.14
Mars	Aries	8.14
Jupiter	Libra	5.18 R
Saturn	Libra	6.24 R
Uranus	Scorpio	29.53 R
Neptune	Sagittarius	24.52 R
Pluto	Libra	23.26 R
Lilith	Scorpio	9.49
Asc node	Leo	9.22

Aspects

The following table shows the planetary aspects in your natal chart. Short interpretations are found below.

Planet	Aspect	Planet	Orb/Value
Sun	Conjunction	Venus	2.43	451
Sun	Conjunction	Mars	1.17	762
Sun	Opposition	Jupiter	1.39	-319
Sun	Opposition	Saturn	0.33	-444
Sun	Trine	Uranus	7.04	20
Moon	Conjunction	Neptune	0.22	424
Moon	Sextile	Pluto	1.05	146
Venus	Conjunction	Mars	4.00	328
Venus	Opposition	Jupiter	1.05	-148
Venus	Opposition	Saturn	2.10	-152
Venus	Trine	Uranus	4.20	32
Mars	Opposition	Jupiter	2.55	-223
Mars	Opposition	Saturn	1.50	-311
Jupiter	Conjunction	Saturn	1.05	417
Neptune	Sextile	Pluto	1.26	38
		2618	-1597	1021

Asteroids & Chiron

The following table shows the positions of the four major asteroids and Chiron. These points are not as commonly used by astrologers, but are presented here for those interested in knowing where the asteroids are positioned in their birth chart.

Chiron	Taurus	15.34
Ceres	Cancer	17.05
Pallas	Taurus	20.30
Juno	Scorpio	5.47 R
Vesta	Leo	29.22 R
Fortune	Aries	0.00
South node	Aries	0.00

Natal Chart Report

Birth Chart

This birth chart report shows the positions of the planets for Jon Lee Hart .

The Sun represents vitality, a sense of individuality and outward-shining creative energy.

Sun in Aries

Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, and Aries natives are the first to start--and the first to finish--whatever they set out to do. Aries is an active, energetic sign. People with Sun in Aries are direct, straightforward, and uncomplicated. They expect the same from others, and are baffled when they don't always get it.

The body comes first with Aries. Sun in Aries people are natural athletes. At the very least, their natural inclination is to use their bodies to get things done. They're not given to long, drawn-out emotional moments; nor are they big on planning ahead. Instead, they live their lives simply. What is happening right now is most important to Aries. Impatience is a definite vice, and innovation is a huge strength. Aries loves to start anything new, and they have trouble sitting still. They are pioneers in whatever they do, and there is a very basic quality of bravery in these people that is unmistakable! Aries generally knows what they want, and they know the quickest route to getting it. They take shortcuts if they must, but generally everything is aboveboard. Underhanded just isn't their style. Some Aries people are bold, but even the quieter ones are brave and even plucky in their own way. Independence is their birthright. Nothing gets them going more than a fresh slate, the promise of a new day, and a brand new start.

Aries enjoys a challenge, and Aries Suns are happiest when their lives are moving forward and active. There's a childlike quality to all Aries Sun people, and it's often quite charming.

He has a strong personality and an entrepreneurial spirit. He is ambitious and self-willed, stubborn, obstinate and tenacious.

Weaknesses: nervousness, impulsiveness, wastefulness, provoking nature, restlessness and changeability.

451 Conjunction Sun - Venus

Social relationships are extremely important to you. You are generally charming with aneasy-going manner. It is generally quite important to you that you are personally popular, to come across in a pleasant way, and to be liked and appreciated. Sometimes, vanity is part of the package. Venus is a peace-making, harmony-loving planet, and those with Sun conjunct Venus do their best to seek peace and harmony. You are diplomatic and a veritable expert at smoothing over (and sometimes glossing over) problems. You are openhanded with others, tolerant and accepting. When expressed negatively, you can be superficial and two-faced, and you can be very much tied up with appearances--your own, and sometimes others'. You might be too agreeable, too pleasant (at the expense of honesty), and downright lazy at times. You have a fine eye for style and enjoy pleasing surroundings. You generally dress well and enjoy a certain amount of luxury. You are gracious, romantic, and sometimes romantically impulsive. You tend to rely on the power of attraction to bring people to you, rather than aggressively pursuing love interests. There is some vanity involved here--you are most attracted to people who express interest in you, or who respond well to your charms! You are not the type of person who overtly pursues people who appear to be indifferent to you. You are not competitive in the aggressive sense of the word, and you are not someone who loves a good chase. Instead, you work your charms and draw people to you. Your ability to attract others (Venus) is very much tied up with your ego (Sun). Because Venus rules all things feminine, both sexes with this aspect tend to be quite attractive.

762 Conjunction Sun - Mars

You are enterprising and have powerful stores of energy that you can draw upon when needed. You respond to problems or challenges with a spirited and enthusiastic confidence that is admirable. You are naturally competitive, and this trait is generally well-received by others simply because it is unforced, unaffected, and sincere. You truly believe in fair play, and you seem to be in love with life. When you are expressing competitiveness and courage, it's easy for others to smile and accept these traits as positive ones rather than being rubbed the wrong way. You have good physical vitality. Although competitive, you are not naturally combative. You may enjoy sports or games that are competitive, but not violent. Breaking the rules of a competitive game is particularly upsetting to you. You are more able than most to control your desires, aggressions, and instincts. You know how to be fair, and you expect others to be fair. As such, sneaky behaviors, uncontrolled impulses, violence, and rage are offensive to you.

-319 Opposition Sun - Jupiter

Although your intentions are generally good, you are given to overdoing things. You can easily gloss over realistic details and get yourself into debt, overindulge in pleasures such as food and drink, and promise more than you can deliver. For the most part, you find help for your excesses. Somebody's there to bail you out, as plenty of people believe that your heart is in the right place. Generally, this is the case, but if excessive behavior becomes a pattern, and you continually face light consequences, there is the danger that you will not learn from your mistakes and abuse the "system", relying on your friends and family to help you out a little too often. Your reputation for being "good people", thus, can eventually be used to further your purposes--something that should, of course, be avoided.

However, many people with this aspect don't fall into the trap of losing their sincerity. You are generous, helpful, and charitable. Still, the tendency to live beyond your means is a real threat that you might struggle with much of your life. Another thing to watch for is depression. You tend to go through periods of intense highs when you are excessively optimistic. These periods are so marked that they seem to be unnatural and a fall seems to be inevitable. You can make promises you intend to keep, but have a problem with follow-through. Self-control can be a real problem. Try to avoid gambling altogether. Usually quite knowledgeable and generous with your time, you have many talents that you might take for granted.

-444 Opposition Sun - Saturn

You faced a fair number of challenges in your life, especially in the first half of life, in which your attempts to express your will were often thwarted. There can be a persistent feeling that you don't get what they want in comparison to others. You can feel unlucky at times. Attempts to control your environment, and sometimes others, may be frequent.

You want to be considered an accomplished and important person, and when you face obstacles, you don't always see that you are your own worst enemy. You may long to be considered important in the eyes of the world, yet you harbor fear of success at the same time. You take failures and minor setbacks to heart, and may even practically beat yourself up over them. Self-awareness to the point of real self-consciousness is a possibility. The truth is, nobody holds a microscope over you, except for yourself. A little setback or a faux pas needn't be analyzed to death. Fingers needn't be pointed. No, you didn't make a spectacle of yourself when you made a mistake. You need to stop worrying about always being right, or appearing suave and accomplished. When you ease the pressure you put on yourself, you find that you don't face as many brick walls. It is very much about what you feel you deserve. Deep down inside, if you let yourself truly believe that you deserve happiness and peace of mind, you will find it.You may engage in a lot of self-censoring: "I shouldn't.." is a common censoring mechanism with you. When you express egotism of any form, some part of you feels guilty. As the Sun rules our conscious mind, it does enough censoring on its own. It is the "adult" within us. Saturn, on the other hand, is more like the "parent" within us. We need parents to guide us when we are children, and to some degree as adults, but for the most part, we don't need to be censored indefinitely--something that seems to be the case with Saturn-Sun hard aspects, except that the censoring and parenting is coming from within. Ideally, you eventually learn that the standards you set for yourself are too high, and that may be the reason you seem to hit brick walls. You have a sarcastic sense of humor, a keen intelligence, and the ability to apply caution and strategy. The vitality may suffer, and troubles with the bones, teeth, and circulation may surface, especially at times of stress in your life.

20 Trine Sun - Uranus

It is natural for you to question tradition. You are, above all things, an individualist. You naturally rebel against that which is established. It doesn't mean that you consistently break all the rules, but you definitely do question some of the rules, especially those that simply don't make much sense. You possess a huge distaste for routine. You work best when you have some say as to when and how you get things done. You possess much self-integrity. You avoid labeling people and are most offended when others attempt to label or stereotype you.

You easily embrace new ways of doing things, you stick up for the underdog, and you express yourself in unique and inspiring ways. You don't have to try to stand out as unique--you are original, creative, and progressive without trying. You are far from pretentious. You value honesty and truth, and you avoid putting on airs. You believe in the equality of people, and easily relate to people from all walks of life. You possess an unmistakable enthusiasm about life, and generally your life is interesting because you invite unusual or adventurous experiences into your life. You are generally appreciated by others because you are open-minded, fair, and not judgmental. Nothing really seems to faze you! You take things in stride, and are rarely shocked or taken aback by human behavior.

The Moon represents the emotional responses, unconscious pre-destination, and the self-image.

Moon in Sagittarius

More than anything, Lunar Sagittarians have a need for personal freedom and space. They are extraordinarily happy and easygoing folk, as long as they don't feel caged in or cooped up. Lunar Sagittarians have a simultaneous need for activity. Meeting new people, going out in the world, and travel are all important to their sense of well-being. They love open spaces, and, in their homes, a roomy and bright environment. There's a bit of a teacher in Moon in Sagittarius, and definitely a helpful spirit. They easily forget appointments and the like, and some are even considered irresponsible. However, it is hard to stay angry at a Lunar Sagittarian! They are so cheerful and upbeat, and their optimism is catchy.

Many people with this position are outdoorsy types. At the very least, they have a great love for friendly competition. When the going gets tough, these people run away. They don't like to be caught up in routine for too long, and they simply need to escape. There's a blind faith in Lunar Sagittarians that is admirable. They simply believe that everything will work out. Not much for making detailed plans, people with Moon in Sagittarius prefer to wing it. They're very adaptable and generally on the go.

Short description:

Likes to throw himself into the unknown and into adventure: he is agile, tough and enthusiastic. Attracted to long voyages, to discover the unknown.

Weaknesses: takes great risks in throwing himself into the unknown and into adventure. Audacious, bold and rebellious. Unable to stay in one place, is always ready to risk everything to achieve his goal.

424 Conjunction Moon - Neptune

Positive aspect: He is kind and sympathetic, with a strongly compassionate nature. When in love, he is usually very devoted. In fact, he is devoted by nature, not only in matters of the heart.

There is an unmistakably compassionate and understanding side to his nature. He has a natural affinity to music. While everyone enjoys music, people with Moon in harmonious aspect to Neptune respond to music as a vehicle to heal, relax, and to uplift the soul. Naturally perceptive, without even trying he tunes into the feelings of others, and the mood of his surroundings. There is a distinct emotional need to escape into the world of imagination, and to withdraw from others at times when he needs to re-center himself, largely because he tends to "take in" a lot of mixed energies from his surroundings. Strong and sudden "feelings" and hunches can overcome him. More often than not, his intuition is correct, although his imagination is also powerful and he can read too much into a situation as a result. Some laziness is associated with this position. This stems from a natural timidity and sensitivity that is apparent from youth. He may have been labeled "shy" in youth, and family members or friends may have jumped in to "save" him from situations that required boldness or aggressiveness. Thus, passivity was accepted and, as adults, he may be less experienced than most when it comes to reaching out or going after what he wants.

146 Sextile Moon - Pluto

He wavers between a rich and successful domestic life and social success. He has difficulty in succeeding in both. Very perceptive and given to psychoanalyzing people. A strategist. Powerful emotions and intense feelings.

Mercury represents communication, Cartesian and logical spirit.

Mercury in Pisces

He sponges up the feelings and moods of people and the environment around him. Moody communication--sometimes very talkative, other times withdrawn. Tactful, doesn't want to offend anyone. Fertile imagination. Flexible mind, sometimes gullible, but usually simply open to possibilities. Indirect. It can be very hard to pin him down to any one belief or decision.

Venus represents an interest for emotions and values, exchange and sharing with others.

Venus in Aries

Venus in Aries people flirt by being up-front, direct, and even daring. They try to win you over by expressing how enterprising and independent they are. Their style of expressing love can be maddeningly "me"-centered, but the right person for them will find this approach charming. People get turned on by Venus in Aries' aura of innocent charm, even when they are being childish and impatient. Venus in Aries men and women behave in a childlike, fun-loving manner in love. They are turned on by energy and activity. Turn-offs include a relationship that is considered stuffy or too "mature", vagueness, and beating around the bush. In love, Venus in Aries people are hopelessly addicted to the conquest. In order for a relationship to remain fresh and new for them, they require plenty of stimulation.

Pleasing Venus in Aries involves fueling their need for action. Be direct, open, and honest with them -- they won't much like game-playing or evasiveness, unless it is in the complete spirit of fun. Feed their need for spontaneity, and appreciate their playfulness. Understand their desire for the relationship to remain young and fresh. Aries likes to take the lead in love (even if their Sun Sign is gentle Pisces) -- let them, at least most of the time. Indulge them their many whims, and understand that they thrive on competition, even when they're competing with you!

Short description:

Wants to take the lead in love, loves the conquest, can be a spendthrift with money, is given to making impulsive purchases, likes to keep things exciting in love. Very ardent. Spontaneous and charming in his direct and straightforward approach in love.

328 Conjunction Venus - Mars

He is amorous, not a peaceful and calm lover but a passionate one with a strong temperament. He is demonstrative in love, and likes healthy pleasures. He enjoys life to the full.

-148 Opposition Venus - Jupiter

He is nonchalant, pretentious, full of self-importance. He likes what is beautiful and sometimes ostentatious, and spends lots of money for the sake of appearances. He likes to please and has numerous amorous adventures. He is unfaithful and undergoes tribulations in love.

-152 Opposition Venus - Saturn

This aspect sometimes means unhealthy sensuality. He is hard, and does not know how to express his emotions. He is frightened of showing his love, and this leads to disappointments, break-ups, lack of satisfaction. It is likely that he had problems with his mother, who did not know how to love him or give him self-confidence. He doubts, is suspicious and jealous. He will learn how to be happy in love, to be at ease with himself and to control his jealousy in the second half of his life, thanks to an older person, who gives his self-confidence back to him, so he can then trust others.

32 Trine Venus - Uranus

Independent in love. His love life is rich, but possibly with passing love affairs. He tires quickly and is scared of losing his liberty. Traditional marriage may not be for him. He has that little something that attracts the opposite sex: he likes amorous adventures, he is romantic. He is the eternal lover and perhaps is unfaithful if he has a serious relationship. He likes art, anything new.

The ability to get along with--and accept--people from all walks of life as friends is strong with this position. He can readily see through insincerity in others. In relationships, tolerance is the most important "ingredient" to him. His sexual preferences are somewhat unconventional, and he won't be happy with a partner who tries to limit his sexual expression. He is usually quite capable of maintaining relationships that require a great deal of freedom and tolerance, such as long-distance romances or set-ups in which partners are unable to see each other consistently. His style in love is somewhat free and breezy, and noncommittal. He quite naturally accepts the idea that his partner might need some personal space and freedom.

Mars represents the desire for action and physical energy.

Mars in Aries

This is a very impulsive position of Mars. The first instinct for Mars in Aries people is to take action. Quick flare-ups characterize the Mars in Aries character, but their anger usually doesn't last for too long. In fact, these people generally don't live in the past, and are not given to holding grudges or feeling resentful. Generally, their temper comes quickly, and they deal with anger on issues right away--with this kind of character, there is little room for festering. When Mars in Aries people listen to their instincts, they generally get things done, and they make fast and (usually) decent decisions. They don't naturally stop to smell the roses--or consider others' point of view--when they are deliberating over what to do next. In fact, "deliberation" works at lightning speed for these natives, so they could hardly be called deliberate. Spontaneity is one of their assets; as are simplicity, purity of action, and innovation.

Mars in Aries natives are often a step ahead of the rest of us. A life that is too predictable makes them antsy. Mars in Aries people enjoy starting fresh--new ideas, pioneering action, and fresh projects make them happiest. They generally enjoy challenges. Relationships with these natives can be exciting, but keeping up with them can be difficult. They are given to impulsive action, and they are not known for sticking things through. Although their physical energy is great, they can lose their initial enthusiasm quickly. Mars in Aries natives are easily irritated by indirectness from others. They expect others to say things straight--no beating around the bush. They easily become impatient with convoluted plans, or with people they consider to be slow to action. Most people with this position of Mars have a childlike quality to them. Sometimes they're downright rude and impatient, but with Mars in Aries natives, you generally know what they're after. Unless Mars is afflicted in the chart, you can also pretty much trust that they don't have hidden agendas.

-223 Opposition Mars - Jupiter

He refuses to accept any guidance. He lacks forethought, acts impulsively and sometimes imprudently, which can cause problems. He wants everything yesterday and uses whatever means necessary to achieve his objectives, even if they are dishonest or not very commendable. His emotional life is fraught with quarrels and sometimes violent conflicts.

-311 Opposition Mars - Saturn

He is only interested in doing something if there are problems attached: once these are solved, he goes on to something else which has complications. He likes to overcome obstacles, is tough, does not have too many feelings, especially in business. He is egoistic, violent and stubborn. He does not always make friends.

Jupiter represents expansion and grace.

Jupiter in Libra

He attracts the most good fortune when he is fair-minded, treats others with equality, is bending without being a doormat, is gracious, and uses his talents at promoting and mediating. Values people and relationships, and might succeed best in partnership. Relating as equals is important to you. The arts, architecture, law, math, mediating, and politics are possible avenues for success. Use of charm and grace to reach goals.

417 Conjunction Jupiter - Saturn

He is serious, patient, honest, hard-working, orderly. His judgment is good and he thinks things over. He pursues his objectives to the bitter end, usually knowing when to choose the right moment. He is upright and respects the law.

Saturn represents contraction and effort.

Saturn in Libra

Recognized for his seriousness, moral qualities. He is respectable, conscientious.

Weaknesses: not open to new ideas.

Uranus represents individual liberty, egoistic liberty.

Uranus in Scorpio

Intelligent and subtle. Adores research, inquiry, investigation. Very sensual.

Neptune represents transcendental liberty, non-egoistic liberty.

Neptune in Sagittarius

Likes long voyages, things foreign, water.

38 Sextile Neptune - Pluto

Pluto represents transformations, mutations and elimination.

Pluto in Libra

Looks for new ways to relate to others.

I Just Can't Pull the Trigger

2010-12-10T10:34:00.000-06:00

Video games are more sophisticated than they were just five years ago. Games like Fable, Mass Effect, and Fallout are complex moral plays and challenge players to either be moral, immoral, or pragmatic, Right now I am hooked on Fallout. What makes this game different from others is that you could, if you wanted to, kill anyone..and if that character is named and not a sprite...that character will not come back.

When I am having a bad day I am sometimes compelled to commit mass electronic murder...but I never do. I don't know why...but the chime that sounds when your player receives negative karma kills me. Dead bodies also don't disappear, so you are left with a trail of bodies.

One time my character was ambushed by a pack of "fiends" (a gang of druggies) and I decided to use my missile launcher. Unfortunately for me there were also some members of the RNC who were aiding me in my battle. The missile ripped everyone apart. Literally. Little polygonal legs and arms fell from the sky like rain. And I heard the negative karma chime. I felt guilt and had to reload my game.

Perhaps I take this game too seriously. I even clean up after my good karma murders...for example...in New Vegas I was attacked by a gang in an alley. After I kicked some ass I placed all the bodies in a near by trash bin. I didn't want innocent polygonal people to contract cholera.

I don't know if I am in the minority here...I mean, I tried to play the game as a villain and I just couldn't. I want to be a hero, mommy. I want to be a hero.

Finally, a Poker Post

2010-12-09T19:50:00.000-06:00

This Saturday is the 4th Ace Poker Club/ Havok Tournament of Champions. I am feeling amped and ready to play some solid "C." I've been playing a bit more online for practice and have actually been doing really well and am up a couple of Benjamins. I am still annoyed that my poker nemesis managed to slip in like a rapist in the night...but it's all cool.

So come on now...give it to me, Miss Fortune.

Tumbl. Tumbl. Tumblr.

2010-11-26T10:07:00.001-06:00

I joined the fun at Tumblr. Please "follow" me. It will be fun. Every morning I will tell you my dreams...if I can stop myself from laughing.

Evil Boy

2010-11-19T07:35:00.000-06:00

I love this video by South African goup Die Antwoord. I love the beautifully surreal and grotesque imagery and overt sexuality. The music is both carefree and serious with topics such as traditional "tribal" circumcision. Also, come on, a Ren and Stimpy and Thundercats reference? What? Oh, and I kinda want that rat jacket. Here is a great nterview with Ninja boy. Here is another part of the same interview with Ninja where he discusses a portion of the song some felt could be interpreted as being anti-gay.

The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia

2010-11-15T14:44:00.000-06:00

This past Saturday Jimmy and I watched this documentary via Netflixx. Holy fuck Batman, this family is crazy.

This documentary is about the White family of West Virginia. The are so infamous that they have their own Wikipedia page. The production team behind the Jackass films followed this family around for a year, and for that they deserve metals.

Overall it was really hard for me to relate to the family and it was hard not to judge them. They are completely out of control and their children are out of control and their children will be out of control. We laughed because we were uncomfortable. They drink, drug, fight, and fuck with not so much of a thought to the consequences. In fact, they seem to be proud of their excess and at times I felt the film was exploiting them for their bad behavior.

At the same time...I was entertained. This documentary is rubbernecking to the nth degree. These people are standards to which by comparison you can consider yourself "good." If you enjoy television shows like The Bad Girls Club, I didn't know I was pregnant, or that one about the Pawn shop, you may dig it. Check it out if you dare, but don't tell anyone I recommended it.

My Day at the Dallas Municipal Court

2010-11-13T19:46:00.001-06:00

It was 11:00 A.M. on a Friday. I parked in a parking garage on Commerce and took the elevator down to the street. As soon as I stepped outside I asked a stranger which way to the court building. He pointed to an ancient looking building up yonder. And so I walked.

I am not a city person because I am an introvert. City walking is fine if I am looking forward to where I am going. On this particular day I would rather be just about anywhere. The walkers were out in force, so I called Jimmy in hopes that if I am on the phone I will somehow blend in with my surroundings- like my phone is some sort of cloak of invisibility.

I walked two blocks to the court building, walked up it's marble steps and got in line to go through security. Right off I see two cops. Cops make me nervous. At least these officers were height/weight proportionate because the fat ass who pulled me over was just one twinkie shy of diabetes. Seriously, when I saw his fat ass plop out of that cruiser I thought to myself "you have got to be kidding me...this guy is surely going to be an asshole." And he was. I won't say that him being morbidly obese and being an asshole are connected but I did wink as I wrote this sentence.

Back to the security line. I was behind an older African-American gentleman and in front of him was a Hispanic man (about my age) with a mohawk. The Hispanic man walked through the metal detector with no beep. The older man had issues. Apparently this was his first metal detector...because he was under the impression that you couldn't just take everything off that was metallic first...he thought you had to test the system. So first it was him belt. Then his wallet. Then the change in his pockets.

As he was beeping I wondered why the hell he was in court. Did he get a speeding ticket too? I felt sorry for him. He had to have been in his late 70's at the very least. He should be relaxing, not be putting up with this bullshit metal detector and two honky police officers.

It was my turn. I tossed in my cell phone, wallet, and keys in the bin and walked through. It beeped. I forgot to take off my belt. To my surprise the two white police officers asked me to pull up my pant legs, and after seeing that there was no weapon in my pockets told me to just walk through. I did, but I immediately felt shame for benefiting from this blatant racism. I was caught off guard. There was a line behind me. Fuck, I have no excuse for this.

I make my way down to the basement. More lines. More people. Some of which were both frightening and alluring. Lots and lots of toddlers strung on hips. I decide to stand behind the Hispanic mowhawk man with tats and we strike up some small talk. "Is this the line of tickets?" "Damn, it's hot in here." "Nice tats, where did you get them done?" That sort of thing. Perhaps we both knew we were going to be in this line for a while.

Forty-Five minutes later I am at the window and I ask for Deferred Adjudication. Unfortunately for me only a judge can grant that...and the court closes at noon. NOON. So I would have to come back tomorrow from 8 - 12. Fuck that. Defensive driving it is.

I pay the city the hush money and walk two blocks back to the parking garage, get in my car and head home. It rains in spells, still I thought it wise to go ahead and go grocery shopping on my way.

In the frozen food section there were two old, old men having a conversation in the frozen corn section...literally. The door was open, one man's back to the corn, the other man in front of him. A face to face conversation. They were talking about when each voted. I politely ask them to move.

"We're just having a conversation here." One man said to me. Read the line real slow. It's how he talked.

I just didn't know what to say to this.

"I need corn."

They both slowly moved out of the way. Slowly. Let me reiterate how slow the old motherfuckers were.

It was as if I fell into the twilight zone. Who does this? Was I somehow at fault?

Then there was a line at the self checkout that seemed to rival the court house. My least favorite Kroger employee was working it. I won't say he is mentally handicapable...I just think he is socially retarded. He wears really tight pants really high up on his waist...so high that you can see his cock and balls sinched to the side of one leg. If you listen closely you can hear his left testicle gagging for air. It is disgusting to me. He also always asks if you need help. If you say no he will say "If you need anything, just ask." Whenever he is working and I am checking out he says this. Just like a robot.

I checkout, pay, and notice that it is pouring rain outside. Pouring.

If these are the extent of my problems then my life is looking pretty good, wouldn't you say?

Asshats and Bitch Slaps

2010-11-07T23:14:00.000-06:00

I think graduate school makes you a self-involved asshole.

Another picture of a pretty flower.

Caught me. Same flower, different angle.

This past week I worked myself into a mild panic. I could feel myself doing this. Out of nowhere my mind looped into this disco drum repetition of what are you going to do after you graduate? What do you want to be when you grow up? How are you going to make money? What did you learn. Really? All this just swirled and swirled and I could feel my chest get hot with fear. I guess my biggest fear is finally getting my masters and doing nothing with it...just lying around playing XBox, drinking wine and counting my gray hairs as my once colleagues go on to winning awards and not be losers.

It's like you spend years and years in the middle of something that once you burst out the other side you are just fucked and unable to adapt to normal life...or something slightly less dramatic. I used to love poetry...now I can't write without wanting to vomit. I can't listen to it either...unless it is humorous. I hope this passes.

I have a fucked up confession to make. I have been laying booby traps in my apartment to scare Kendall. Nothing too scary...I had some cellophane left over from a package so I laid it on the ground. Then I hid across the room and took off my sock. As Kendall slinked over to investigate this interesting new addition to her apartment I chucked my sock so it landed on the 'phane. She jumps like only a kitty cat can and when she lands she meows "fuck you!!!" to me. She gets revenge on me whenever I am on the phone. Seriously, test it out...call me...whenever I am on the phone in my apartment she kicks my ass.

I watched The Walking Dead tonight. Alls I gotta say is this...If the zombie apocalypse happens I will love thy neighbor. That dude they handcuffed to the roof deserved it. In a survival horror situation...if you could be a liability you are expendable. And I do not want to be a liability.

Pinwheels in Glass

2010-11-03T23:06:00.001-05:00

Fly

2010-11-02T22:03:00.001-05:00

Well, this night sucks. I know all the right wingers are just wetting in their panties right now. SO, rather than dwell on the negative I would like to take the time to share 2 things that are making my life a little rosier.

1. New computer speakers.

2. New computer desk

If you are in the market for new computer speakers I recommend Phillips model SPA7201/17. I bought my pair at Wal-Mart for about $75. They are hip - white frame with black gloss front with orange trim. These little speakers pack a major punch...high highs...clean bass....perfect. The only draw back is that they are a little deep size wise.

If you follow me on the Twit Machine then you may know that this past Sunday I had a little adventure at IKEA. I ended up purchasing this corner unit. I spent the next five hours assembling it. I love it. The wood is sturdy and the workstation looks professional while still being stylish. I predict many creative nights here. My favorite feature is the magnetic backboard. I bought a set of magnetic cuppies which hold my pens. Here is a picture of my completed workstation. Take note at the glass of wine.

I leave you with one more copy of "Republican Mean Girls." Is this our future? I hope not.

The Walking Dead

2010-10-30T22:09:00.001-05:00

Today I read the 'Walking Dead' series up to it's current. issue. That's 78 comic books. I only stopped to eat, shower and go to the restroom. It's just that good of a series. Sure, you can write it off as a horror comic (and it is) but it is just so much more. Never before have I been genuinely worried for fictional characters. Each issue I am biting my nails hoping my girl Andrea makes it out alive.

I'm a fan of strong female characters, and the character Michonne is one of the strongest women (and definitely the strongest African-American woman) ever written, and I hear she will make an appearance in the second season.

Oh well. I am going to keep my fingers silent. The series premieres tomorrow on AMC. Check it out.

And Now, a Political Cartoon

2010-10-26T08:51:00.000-05:00

Out of Tune

2010-10-15T21:51:00.000-05:00

Today while making a chicken sandwich I popped open my plastic tub of baby spinach and all the babies dropped to the floor...and I'm thinking "Fuck, what now?" Because you can't make a proper chicken sandwich without spinach. Seconds slowed and I wondered exactly how long it has been since I last mopped the kitchen floor. My best guestimate was about 4 weeks. Don't get me wrong, if something falls to the floor I sponge it up; but it has been weeks since I really mopped the kitchen. First I collected those pieces of spinach that fell atop other pieces of spinach thinking that those hadn't been contaminated. Then, I collected those that fell closest to the oven...because my cats generally to keep towards the middle of the kitchen when they need a drink of water or kibble. I was still left with a ton of spinach wasted. If I only had vegetable wash, I would have washed it. Oh well...

Silence

2010-10-05T00:38:00.003-05:00

Does anyone else find it hypocritical that Perez Hilton submitted a video to Dan Savage's "It Gets Better" video campaign? I mean, the guy makes a living off bullying other people. It seems like every other week he accuses heterosexually identified celebrities like Hayden Christensen and Derek Hough of being gay. He calls Hayden "Gayden" and says Derek has the dreaded "gay face." And now this fame leech has the balls to say that bullying has to stop?

I'm sure Perez aka Mario was bullied in grade school, we all were. I will grant him this-he is doing a service by posting other "It Gets Better" videos on his website. And I know some of my colleagues have opinions on who should or shouldn't submit videos, but to be honest, I couldn't care less whether or not a celebrity's video is from the heart or whether they are trying to stick their pinky toe in the spotlight-that isn't the point. The point of the project is to reach out to lgbt/questioning youth. Still, even after typing that...it is hard for me to not scoff at Perez submitting a video...his isn't a pinky toe, it's a leg. Remember last year when he got smacked by one of the Black Eye Peas and got...well...a black eye? Perez immediately posted a video on YouTube where in-between sobs he exclaimed "violence is never the answer!!" Hopefully we all learn that words can be just as violent as fists...so that old adage about sticks and stones is nothing more than bullshit. We all have a 9mm in our mouth and we aim it everyday.

Republican Mean Girls Track (Updated)

2010-09-20T23:36:00.004-05:00

Below is the recording that will accompany my art project "Republican Mean Girls." Expect a full on artist statement and images of the work in the coming months. Until then, listen, enjoy, tell your friends, etc. etc.

Glass

2010-09-06T23:10:00.004-05:00

I hate my apartment complex. With each new owner comes new problems. When POST owned the property the property was well maintained. The leasing staff were friendly and the grounds felt safe. Since ownership changed hands the quality has fluctuated. The story I am about to tell you is just one more reason why I am looking forward to moving out.

This past Tuesday my downstairs neighbor moved. On Wednesday and Thursday the newly vacant apartment was getting nipped and tucked. On Friday I noticed sheets of broken glass on the ramp way leading to the apartment as well as glass all over the parking lot.

Shortly after I noticed the glass I spied one of the leasing agents stepping out of her car. I walked over to her to let her know about the glass and she said she would put in a work order and that it would be taken care of.

Saturday...it was still everywhere. To make matters worse a new tenant was moving in. I walked into the office and spoke to another leasing agent. She told me the work order was put in...

"But it probably won't be until Tuesday until someone can take care of it." She said.

"That is retarded. I'll just take care of it." I said.

"Now just calm down...I'll put in an emergency work order and it will be taken care of."

I didn't need to be calmed down for one. I was def. frustrated but...whatever. I thought that would be the end of it.

Sunday...still there. With my bed head hair I stomped down the steps with my broom and dustpan in hand. It took me less than five minutes to pick up the glass. I should have just cleaned it up to begin with...they obviously don't give a fuck about the safety of their residents. I called and left a somewhat heated message and added that if the glass had been near their office it would have been taken care of ASAP.

So fuck them. May they step on glass.

Poker Update-

Too much homework. Haven't played at all. Although, I am officially ranked no. 2 in Havok's monthly tournament. Unless something weird happens I am a shoe in for the final table in December.

Mongolian Beef Stew

2010-09-02T06:43:00.004-05:00

Dream:

I was in a huge Showbiz Pizza like establishment with Paul Tran, Ashley, and some other unknown woman. We were running down a hallway. Everything was orange. Paul and the unknown lady ran ahead of us, so Ashley and I started booking it to catch up. The running duo disappeared around a corner. When Ashley and I turned the corner it was bathroom junction- womens on the left, mens on the right. The mens door was swinging. On top of the door was a plaque which read "He and his pride." Perhaps it was a lion theme? Or it was Freudian...hmm...love dreamy wordplay. Ashley opened the door then immediately shut it and said "I can't go in there." I can. I pushed open the door and...well...it was a bathroom/restaurant/bar. Tables were set up in between urinals. People were eating and people were pissing. There were women feeding pizza to their babies. I went into a stall and whoever went in before me must have gone to that Mongolian restaurant (I'll leave that to your imagination.) I start pissing and Liz Phair's "Mesmerizing" started banging through the speakers. Then I woke up to a headache...literally, not the Liz Phair song.

Slideshow Bob

2010-08-30T23:10:00.004-05:00

Today I completed my very first power point presentation. I know...I managed to almost sneak through my twenties sans power point. Oh well.

The power point is for my art class which meets Tuesday evenings. Each student creates a slideshow containing 20 slides and will need to discuss those 20 slides for 20 seconds each slide. I'm pretty much a virgin when it comes to visual art- so I included some photography and some stuff I am working on. The image below is my latest experiment. I really want to learn how to silk screen, but of course I don't have the means to facilitate this experiment. So I began to wonder...can you iron on to canvas? Turns out you can. This was just an experiment...so don't judge me too harsh. Now that I know that I can iron on to canvas I am excited to see where this will go.

Mixed Bags

2010-08-29T22:25:00.005-05:00

I am not ashamed to admit that I google myself. It has a purpose - I was curious to see what would appear at the top of the list and was hoping that Secretly Timid would at least appear on page 1. Well, a couple of weeks ago I did just this and to my surprise discovered a mention of my name on Gertrude Press. Gertrude Press is a non profit LGBT press that I submitted some pieces to over a year ago...and never heard anything back. Well, it turns out that they accepted one of my pieces in their Spring 2009 issue. Out of surprise I scoured through the bowels of my GMAIL to try and find an acceptance letter- nothing in the trash...nothing saved. I double checked my poetry spreadsheet (which lists what poems were sent where and their status) and Gertrude's submission was still pending. I emailed both the editor and the poetry editor to see what's what/ gave them my physical address for my contributors copy, etc. I am still waiting for that e-mail.

About two weeks later I received the journal in the mail. There was no letter explained what happened. I felt used. On one hand...any piece being published is a check under the "win" column, but this check mark is about a year too late. Also, I never signed a contract, and the poem they published had already been published elsewhere. I asked my significant other for advice (considering that he is an attorney) and he suggested that he write them a letter (nothing threatening...but just enough to get a response.) The publishing world is rather small...so I wouldn't want there to be any fallout...especially with a LGBT press. So I asked poet and friend Farid Matuk for advice...and to my surprise the told me that this sort of thing is very common and to just let it slide. So that is what I did. I still feel a little sore about it, but hey...a win is a win, right?

I still have that chapbook to complete. But it is going to have to wait for at least another year. I will graduate in the fall and will then have to move into a new place. Also, I am focusing all my creative energy to visual art and the Secretly Timid podcast.

Bubbles.

Poker Update

Online Poker-

I'm still working on building my bankroll. I love the 13.50 bounty tournaments. I also really love the 10.00 heads up bounty tournaments. I can't seem to get past the fourth round. I really wish I could devote more time to online play.

Live Poker-

Damn...played an interesting live game a couple weeks back. Was doing really well until I started drinking then lost my shirt.

This past Saturday I played in a live monthly tournament over at Greg's and finished in the early/middle- not that great of a showing. But I had fun and I am learning humility.

Hello Again

2010-08-29T11:00:00.002-05:00

I've decided to resurrect this blog. You see, I have some crazy political views that may or may not reflect the views of Secretly Timid. So it is only fair to share those views here out of respect for my co hosts.

Much love, talk to you soon,

J